About Intensives Resource Vault Podcast D.I.R.E.

For resolute men working to become safe, trustworthy, and authentically reliable after years of sexual secrets.

You're choosing recovery every day - you're faithful now. Integrity is your focus. But your earnest efforts to heal your relationship, to help her heal, seem ineffective… even counterproductive - why does healing still feel out of reach?

JOIN THE PROGRAM

For resolute men working to become safe, trustworthy, and authentically reliable after years of sexual secrets.

You're choosing recovery every day - you're faithful now. Integrity is your focus. But your earnest efforts to heal your relationship, to help her heal, seem ineffective… even counterproductive - why does healing still feel out of reach?

JOIN THE PROGRAM

"I don’t think it will ever be enough for her.”

"I don’t think it will ever be enough for her.”

Acknowledging, validating and reassuring are not enough to restore your relationship. 

Being a "floating saint" won’t get you there either.

You might think you're waiting for her trauma to heal - but she's waiting on you to dissolve the power imbalance you constructed when you were hiding a secret life. The benefits of the power and control you operated in are still at play - in unnoticed ways - which counteract your efforts to be truly safe and genuinely trustworthy to her.

 

“Tell me what I need to do
and I’ll do it.”

The deeper work is to address the D.I.R.E. traits that undergirded your ability to maintain a compartmentalized life. Getting these maladaptive character traits (MCTs) straightened out is the critical next step.

D.I.R.E. develops early in life as a buffer against being oppressed, overlooked or overwhelmed. But as an adult man who is trying to rebuild his relationship after betrayal, these D.I.R.E. traits have not only outlived their value, they are holding you back from the most potent forms of honesty, integrity, empathy and emotional intimacy.

“Tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it.”

The unrealized-rest of the deeper work is to address the D.I.R.E. traits that undergirded your ability to maintain a compartmentalized life. Getting D.I.R.E. straightened out is the critical next step.

D.I.R.E. develops in boyhood as a buffer against being oppressed, overlooked or overwhelmed. But as an adult man who is trying to rebuild his relationship after betrayal, these D.I.R.E. traits have not only outlived their value, they are holding you back from the most potent forms of honesty, integrity, empathy and emotional intimacy. 

75%

of participants said this program was essential for men struggling to rebuild their relationships after betrayal

85%

of participants said this program is transformative and provided some essential missing pieces in their healing journey

100%

of participants said this program includes new and novel concepts and they encountered information they had not gotten elsewhere

Will she be glad you're doing this program? 

This rehabilitation program helps you dismantle four maladaptive character traits (MCTs) that are likely triggering her "BS" meter. This isn't her trauma talking, she's pointing to something real and concerning - a dynamic between the two of you that is your job to fix. When you address D.I.R.E. you make it possible for high-level, quality trust and connection to form.

She needs this from you; it's time to take on this work and refresh hopefulness. 

JOIN THE PROGRAM

"This helped me to get unstuck in my relationship with my wife. I am so grateful for this course."
- Getting D.I.R.E. Straight Participant

"This [program] has been a fundamental step in my journey to be a better man, partner, father, grandfather and friend."
- Getting D.I.R.E. Straight Participant

"I would absolutely recommend this course to other men who share the same struggles that I do. I feel like it would help any man deepen his connection to his partner."
- Getting D.I.R.E. Straight Participant 

This program is for men who really mean business. 

There are three segments. After you have completed one segment, the next one becomes available for purchase. You go at your own pace and have access to weekly Live Support Sessions with Hope Ray and the other men in your cohort all the way through.

You get a workbook because there's homework. Your partner receives a podcast because she needs to be able to stay in the loop with what you're learning. You'll hear from other men in advanced recovery. You'll learn in video lessons with roleplay demonstrations that help you metabolize the material. 

You can access the program through our easy-to-use app or directly from your computer for a seamless experience.

Click on the boxes below to learn more about each segment of the program!

START HERE - SEGMENT ONE

The Floating Saint

Why Your Best Is Not Working

LEARN MORE & enroll

SEGMENT TWO

D.I.R.E.

How Do You D.I.R.E.?
Why Do You D.I.R.E.?
And How Do You Stop? 

LEARN MORE & ENROLL

SEGMENT THREE

P.U.R.E.

Providing Potent, Powerful & Productive Partnership
(That Lasts)

LEARN MORE & ENROLL

How the Program Works

Pay and Participate at Your Own Pace

Purchase each segment one at a time, and only when you're ready to start the next part. The program has three segments which you will work through in sequential order. So, after you complete Segment One, you’ll gain access to purchase Segment Two, and so on. Payments are not due until you're ready to begin each new segment.

Finally Get Momentum 

Weekly Live Support Sessions with Hope Ray / insight-generation homework / strategy tools / weekly focus points and exercises / video lessons / roleplay demonstrations / Partner Flybys / The Community Forum / and an app that lets you take it on the road. 

There's so much more to you... 

JOIN THE PROGRAM

"I've struggled to know why we're doing all this, why are we trying to be these good men? Because I was very successful and did so many things as a man without integrity. Can't I just do that, but do it better? I realized in a deep level that that there's so much more to me, so much potential, and my best possible self is my purest self and my most authentic self, and any deviation from that, any way that I'm going away from that is a lesser version of what I could be and am."
- Getting D.I.R.E. Straight Participant

As a specialist, I know that...

A healed relationship with your partner is possible once you effectively and permanently dissolve the power differential you benefitted from at your partner's expense.

How did you end up walking around hiding a secret life?

How did things get so dire?

That’s exactly it. These traits – detachment, incongruence, regression and entitlement – produce the kind of thinking and behaving that underlie power and control. These traits support compartmentalized, duplicitous living. And even though you are choosing integrity now, they’re working against the progress you’ve made.

In this program, you will:

Recognize your floating saint and free yourself from his confusion and powerlessness

Discover old patterns that counteract your trustworthiness and establish a dialectical mindset… which will shift everything

Understand detachment, incongruence, regression, and entitlement along with the origins and influence of each

Inverse the maladaptive character traits (MCTs) of D.I.R.E. by building capacity in 4 key areas

Get solid footing with strategy that enables you to offer equity-based partnership... the kind that leads to lasting trust and safety

The good news is that you have everything you need inside of you already.

I will prove that to you in case you have doubts. If you are willing to do what it takes - if you are resolute enough to examine deeply sensitive areas within yourself - then you can be successful in this program. 

I don’t know if your relationship will heal but I can confidently say this: you have an extremely serious and significant role to play in making provision for this to happen.

You are personally invited to go deeper and climb higher. You can start right now.

-Hope Ray LPC CSAT CHFP CCPS

JOIN NOW

Insights from Women

We asked these spouses/partners how rebuilding trust was going at the time their partners' enrollment in Getting D.I.R.E. Straight:

72%

said, “We’ve been stuck in the same place for a while.”

19%

said, “Building trust is not going well.”

8%

said, “Building trust is going well.”

When asked, "Are you glad your partner is participating in this program?”

All 36 women said “Yes”.

Survey of 36 Women's Experiences: Their partners' communication and behavior upon enrolling in D.I.R.E. Program

He listens well
6
20
10
He seems authentic
5
20
11
He works to help me feel safe
6
21
9
He gets defensive
19
17
He withdraws
16
20
He makes it all about him
23
12
1
0 10 20 30 40
Legend:
Most of the time
Sometimes
Never

WHAT GUYS TOOK AWAY FROM THIS PROGRAM

ABOUT HOPE'S TEACHING STYLE

“Hope has been amazingly supportive and challenging, and listening to the other fellows has been healing in a way I haven't gotten a lot of outside of this space. I enjoy Hope's socratic method to teaching, but also her ability to exit "leading question" mode into "challenge" or "support" mode. Hope also seems to often know what I am thinking or feeling without me having to express to much, and I have witnessed the same with other fellows - I think that speaks to experience.”

“I felt like Hope was extremely knowledgeable. She has quite a good insight on the reality, feelings and mindset of the betrayers. I can feel the empathy that Hope has towards the betrayers. I'm somewhat shocked by this and comforted at the same time. Hope is truly insightful, intelligent and compassionate. The way that Hope explains things and makes a connection with us is quite unique.”

"Hope is an expert and on the front lines of sex addiction and betrayal trauma. Her teaching methods were relevant and was able to connect with the group very easily and authentically."

"I appreciated how compassionate Hope was towards us betrayers. I liked how relatable Hope was. I believe that she has a great understanding of what she's teaching and does a great job of teaching and communicating."

"Hope presents materials with confidence, conviction and compassion. She knows her stuff and creates a safe environment in which vulnerability thrives."

"I believe Hope's expertise is obvious based on her ability to present very complicated concepts simply and with amazing clarity. She is very engaging and inspires confidence."

“Excellent. Engagement was high even as I wasn't able to participate in the live sessions. I could tell that Hope got to know the participants and expertly came back to address open issues and questions.”

“I really appreciate the rigor and compassion that Hope brings to her work with men who have betrayed their partners. I think Hope is an excellent teacher and gets participants to reach deeper than they might be comfortable doing.”

Are you ready to take on this work and refresh hopefulness?

START HERE - SEGMENT ONE

The Floating Saint

LEARN MORE & enroll

SEGMENT TWO

D.I.R.E. 

LEARN MORE & ENROLL

SEGMENT THREE

P.U.R.E. 

LEARN MORE & ENROLL

Questions?

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