About Intensives Resource Vault Podcast D.I.R.E.

Betrayal, Secrets & Lies

Marriages heal with trust

and trust requires much more than being faithful & honest.    

Here's how I can help you

Betrayal, Secrets & Lies

Marriages heal with trust

and trust requires much more than being faithful & honest.    

HERE'S HOW I CAN HELP YOU

Understand how infidelity leads to Complex Partner Trauma

THE MAGAZINE FOR WOMEN 

Get Your Copy

The program for resolute men working to become safe, trustworthy and reliable after years of sexual secrets. 

Getting D.I.R.E Straight empowers men to confront the internal operating system beneath their former deception and duplicity: Detachment, Incongruence, Regression, and Entitlement (D.I.R.E.)

LEARN MORE
 

Women: How does your husband Getting D.I.R.E. Straight benefit YOU? 

This three-segment program targets old default modes of dishonesty, avoidance and self-preservation. Couples get stuck in the repair process when the internal operating system behind his former secret life remains unaddressed. His faithfulness, honesty and empathy is a good start but it doesn't fix the dynamic that leaves you feeling unsafe and uncertain about him.

Do you believe in his potential but feel tired of inconsistency and setbacks? 

Feeling like you're in a trust fall may indicate that power is not balanced in your relationship. Even after a man chooses recovery, his relationship remains affected by the power and control he benefited from during his secret life - at his partner’s expense. In order for true trust and safety to grow, he must dissolve the remnants of power and control that once governed his partner's reality. Beneath this is a set of four maladaptive traits that allowed him to generate a secret, separate life in the first place: detachment, incongruence, regression and entitlement (D.I.R.E.). 

Men who examine these key areas become much more advanced in providing quality safety and trustworthy reliability to their partners.  Even with solid recovery, D.I.R.E. holds men back from critical insights that are already evident to their partners. The insight gap can leaves partners feeling frustrated and even hopeless. 

It should not feel like you're ahead of him. If he's willing to fix this, he can. 

Learn About the program

There's a vault of resources for both of you here. 

My online and intensive programs address the power dynamics that impact the core of a relationship after hidden porn use, affairs and every other kind of fidelity-violating betrayal. Here's the way I frame it:  

What's worse than discovering your partner’s sexual secrets? ...Being lied to about it over and over again. 

Secret infidelity occurs in so many different ways (physical, emotional, exclusively online, etc.) and the boundaries are uniquely defined by every coupleship. But nearly all cheating has one thing in common: it's kept secret.

Infidelity secrets create inequity in committed relationships.  

When a significant other has been restrained from knowing essential information about their own relational reality, they cannot accurately assess their own safety and wellbeing; their agency and ability to consent become compromised. Using power and control to keep the significant other in the dark is more than just betrayal… it could be betrayal violence.

The use of power and control to sustain a secret life is too often overlooked in couples therapy. Honesty and empathy is not sufficient to build trust and safety in a relationship after betrayal.  Faithfulness is just the beginning. A fidelity-violating partner must also dismantle the power imbalance they created through secrecy and deceit. Power and control used to maintain a secret life is the glaring issue in modern infidelity that can't be ignored.    

Access Resources

There's a vault of resources for both of you here. 

My online and intensive programs address the power dynamics that impact the core of a relationship after hidden porn use, affairs and every other kind of fidelity-violating betrayal. Here's the way I frame it:  

What's worse than discovering your partner’s sexual secrets? ...Being lied to about it over and over again. 

Secret infidelity occurs in so many different ways (physical, emotional, exclusively online, etc.) and the boundaries are uniquely defined by every coupleship. But nearly all cheating has one thing in common: it's kept secret. 

Infidelity secrets create inequity in committed relationships.  

When a significant other has been restrained from knowing essential information about their own relational reality, they cannot accurately assess their own safety and wellbeing; their agency and ability to consent become compromised. Using power and control to keep the significant other in the dark is more than just betrayal… it could be betrayal violence.

The use of power and control to sustain a secret life is too often overlooked in couples therapy. Honesty and empathy is not sufficient to build trust and safety in a relationship after betrayal.  Faithfulness is just the beginning. A fidelity-violating partner must also dismantle the power imbalance they created through secrecy and deceit. Power and control used to maintain a secret life is the glaring issue in modern infidelity that can't be ignored.    

Access Resources

A private podcast of helpful, hopeful stuff for betrayed women.

We talk about EVERYTHING related to betrayal by secret infidelity - all the tools, tips & insights for women on the healing sojourn.

GET PRIVATE PODCAST ACCESS
QUICK LINKS
About Intensives Resource Vault Podcast D.I.R.E. Login JOIN ME ON INSTAGRAM JOIN ME ON FACEBOOK JOIN ME ON TIKTOK

Betrayal Violence Informed Organizations are trained to recognize and rehabilitate inequity dynamics caused by infidelity in intimate relationships.