About Intensives Resource Vault Podcast Magazine

Discovered: betrayal, secrets & lies

You can discover healing

Resources

Discovered: betrayal, secrets & lies

You can discover healing

Resources

Understand how infidelity leads to Complex Partner Trauma

THE MAGAZINE FOR WOMEN 

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The vital missing piece for men striving to rebuild their relationships after betrayal

Getting D.I.R.E Straight is the program for men who have violated fidelity and maintained secrets from their partners. It is a rigorous track that comprehensively guides men into dissolving the power and control that developed during years of living in the default mode of deception.

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Women: How does your husband Getting D.I.R.E. Straight benefit YOU? 

Unlike any other method out there, this specialized rehabilitation program targets his Detachment, Incongruence, Regression and Entitlement (D.I.R.E.) - the character traits that enabled him to live dishonestly and keep secrets for years. He has been working to earn back your trust, but his faithfulness, honesty and empathy will fall short in fixing the dynamic that leaves you feeling unsafe and uncertain about him.

 

Your relationship is still impacted by the power position he benefited from - at your expense - while keeping a secret life hidden from you. He can fix this by maturing and healing his D.I.R.E. traits. These traits are holding him back. They are blocking essential insights he needs about himself; insights that you may already have about him... and you feel frustrated - even hopeless- as you work to help him see what you see.    

The man you believe is inside of him can emerge... and when this takes place, your relationship has the potential to reach new heights. This program is for men who really mean business. It's an expedition into the depths of sexism and inequity and the changes will happen slowly. But, if he dives in with maximum effort, you will see the changes you have been longing for. 

Learn About the program

There's a vault of resources for both of you here. 

My online and intensive programs address the power dynamics that impact the core of a relationship after hidden porn use, affairs and every other kind of fidelity-violating betrayal. Here's the way I frame it:  

What's worse than discovering your partner’s sexual secrets? ...Being lied to about it over and over again. 

Secret infidelity occurs in so many different ways (physical, emotional, exclusively online, etc.) and the boundaries are uniquely defined by every coupleship. But nearly all cheating has one thing in common: it's kept secret. 

Infidelity secrets create inequity in committed relationships.  

When a significant other has been restrained from knowing essential information about their own relational reality, they cannot accurately assess their own safety and wellbeing; their agency and ability to consent become compromised. Using power and control to keep the significant other in the dark is more than just betrayal… it could be betrayal violence.

The use of power and control to sustain a secret life is too often overlooked in couples therapy. Honesty and empathy is not sufficient to build trust and safety in a relationship after betrayal.  Faithfulness is just the beginning. A fidelity-violating partner must also dismantle the power imbalance they created through secrecy and deceit. Power and control used to maintain a secret life is the glaring issue in modern infidelity that can't be ignored.    

Access Resources

There's a vault of resources for both of you here. 

My online and intensive programs address the power dynamics that impact the core of a relationship after hidden porn use, affairs and every other kind of fidelity-violating betrayal. Here's the way I frame it:  

What's worse than discovering your partner’s sexual secrets? ...Being lied to about it over and over again. 

Secret infidelity occurs in so many different ways (physical, emotional, exclusively online, etc.) and the boundaries are uniquely defined by every coupleship. But nearly all cheating has one thing in common: it's kept secret. 

Infidelity secrets create inequity in committed relationships.  

When a significant other has been restrained from knowing essential information about their own relational reality, they cannot accurately assess their own safety and wellbeing; their agency and ability to consent become compromised. Using power and control to keep the significant other in the dark is more than just betrayal… it could be betrayal violence.

The use of power and control to sustain a secret life is too often overlooked in couples therapy. Honesty and empathy is not sufficient to build trust and safety in a relationship after betrayal.  Faithfulness is just the beginning. A fidelity-violating partner must also dismantle the power imbalance they created through secrecy and deceit. Power and control used to maintain a secret life is the glaring issue in modern infidelity that can't be ignored.    

Access Resources

A private podcast of helpful, hopeful stuff for betrayed women.

We talk about EVERYTHING related to betrayal by secret infidelity - all the tools, tips & insights for women on the healing sojourn.

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Betrayal Violence Informed Organizations are trained to recognize and rehabilitate inequity dynamics caused by infidelity in intimate relationships.